Translation

If you are on this page it is for one of two reasons:


He, lacking any metaphysical, epistemological, and existential apothogems, hebdomadally, and with anfructuosity, took an oculatory tour of her perambulating loveliness and serendipitously found his intestinal fortitude and, without absquatulating for having purchased the rope of Ocnus, punctuated his inamorata with osculatory favors for being his own personal mini-Hellen, even while knowing she would also suffer the fate of Acco.

Translation

He, because he lacked any witty sayings (apothogems) about what exists (metaphysics), or how we know what exists (epistemology). and what we ought to do about life in general (existential), on a weekly basis (hebdomadally), and with a wandering mind (anfructuosity), looked at her legs (perambulating loveliness) and accidentally (serendipitously) found his courage (intestinal fortitude) and, without leaving (absquatulating) for having bought a rope that is continually being eaten by an ass (rope of Ocnus), gave many kisses to his girlfriend (punctuated his inamorata with osculatory favors) for being his own personal mini-Hellen (Hellen of Troy, it is said, had a face that “launched a thousand ships” --- his girlfriend had a face that launched one ship --- his), even while knowing she would become old and ugly (suffer the fate of Acco).